last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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