that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
