so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
