At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
