I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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