I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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