he puts the penis in happiness.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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