i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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