I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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