There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
