i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
