Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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