If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
