you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
