i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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