i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
