you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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