I only kidnapped one of them. chill
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
