ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
