Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
