hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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