The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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