dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I died a long time ago.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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