I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
