You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
