I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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