: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
