Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
