last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
