dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
40s are totally the cure
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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