Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
