Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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