bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
