The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a beard to bite.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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