when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She just used a chaser for red wine.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
