That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
