Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
