u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
