"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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