Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
