Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
