Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
