I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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