Say something about gay babies.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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