You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
