just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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