I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
