pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
