he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
