what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
