At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
