Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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