he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
