the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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