Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
