I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am midnight drunk by noon
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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