puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
